I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
