The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
