We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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