I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
