Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
