..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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