I'm gonna have a badass scar
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
