my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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