fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
