i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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