i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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