best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
