dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
