i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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