Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
