I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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