we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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