I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
