After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
