no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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