dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
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My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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