Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
