it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
