he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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