just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
