I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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