im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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