Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
