Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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