Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ttyl tear gas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
