Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
