I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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