Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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