it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize