i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
