I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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