did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
