Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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