Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
false alarm, still single
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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