Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
