i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
