my sisters under your porch take her home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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