he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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