watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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