ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
