youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
