i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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