she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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