My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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