Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
