So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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