apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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