so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
