She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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