It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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