Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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