It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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