What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
