8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
