Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
