i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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