Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize